may i feel said he
by: e.e. cummings

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she


(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she


(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)


may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she


may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she


but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she


(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she


(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

I am a muslim. My grandparents from my mother's side have malaysian and pakistani bloodlines, my mother followed in their faith, my father hers, and me theirs. Having said that, I dont consider myself a very religious person.

I don't eat pork, staple for us muslims, but that's pretty much it. I observe the Ramadan (an annual fasting in accordance to a lunar calendar that lasts for about a month, which so happens to be September this year zzz) for lets say 2 days, i understand the 5 pillars of my religion's belief, concur with 4 of them, and shun the 5th. I'm proud to say that i am a muslim - it being a partly rare sight to see a yellow skinned muslim so far south (its quite a common religion in the northern parts of China); and that its an awesome religion and culture. But then again, i could say that for any and every religion.

So, this time im walking to the café, today actually, I have to get to the School of Business Administration to take care of some exchange documents. I have half an hour and I’ve already had lunch, fine weather (typhoon rolling in), whatever, Great mood. So im walking, and someone stops me, jumping me from behind a pillar. Can’t say I didn’t see it coming, but its surprising to see someone you don’t know just come up to you and say “Hi! Have a minute?” Word for word: You have a minute?

I thought sure, the mega sale was on spanning the whole stretch of the concourse, good deals flying all over the place from T-shirts, to printers, USBs, stationery, cutlery etc. You name it. This must be good. I turn to see a lady in her 40s and a teenage girl, probably 15 or 16.

Turns out they are preachers for the (or at least one of the) Christian fellowships at my University. I could have rolled my eyes but respect stopped me. Pleased with my apparent initial enthusiasm they ask me to read a passage out of the bible with them depicting a group of men, women and children on a boat crossing an ocean, a river of sorts, where the conditions are grim and their chances slim. Then Jesus Christ reveals to them salvation, either calling upon a strength within or dying down the storms, that part was lost to me. It was quite a story, worthy of the bible, and I understood their further elaboration of how the choppy waters indeed represent life as we live it, and how faith can overcome obstacles as such. All this is fine, I’ve been preached to before, and after every time I always politely say that I already have a religious faith and any further discussion on the matter would be a frank waste of time.

But before I get to this point, I’m interrupted by them again asking me to sing-along. This time it sounded a bit different, and only mid way through did it dawn on me that it was a prayer to Jesus. I pull back somewhat and grow silent as they continue, the lady all the while tugging at my shirt sleeve for me to go on. I politely but firmly ask them to stop and told them that I have a religion, that forbids me worshipping idols, and that we believe Jesus Christ only to be a prophet, the bringer of God’s words, nothing more, however divine that already is. After which I walk away, quite angry to my surprise, as I felt cheated somehow by this seemingly sheepish pair, though of what I cannot place.

Maybe it is just me because I already have faith, but their way of ushering passersby into their faith somehow just isn’t the way I’d image god would want it to be. Religion should be holy, or at least understood and embraced before endorsed, not something to be sold on the streets next to a bazaar. Although my reaction to them lulling me into prayer may have been a bit strong due to my own beliefs, to mislead anyone to join in prayer with them before they have affirmed their belief in that religion, or the hope that after doing so that the person will continue the faith is just … not it?

I understand that we all have the need to believe in something bigger. Something contrary to what dreary science tells - us that are an insignificant speck of dust in the blinding eternities of the ceaseless cosmos. And an answer to many big questions or small ones. Sometimes everyone just wants to look up to the sky, or earth, and wonder. Or turn to a set of rules that govern our lives and set a pace, a tempo or melody if you will, that would simply brighten up life, make it more. The joy of being able to share these discoveries with others is something else really…

..But please… don’t force it, people find their faith, or whatever greater aspect, on their own. The fascination is people starting off from so many different places, and going in all directions, yet arriving at the same answer in the end, no?

For anyone who's wondering why i aint answering my phonecalls.. (if anyone ever DOes call me) haha

4-10/6 Camp (Outward Bound Training SHIT.)
13-20/6 Beijing Trip (gonna enjoy this one so much more.)


__________

If life is about running into brick walls, then finding your way over, under or around...
I must be the one who insists that running through it is the only just way. The simple way, the easy way. (even if it hurts, even if ill have cheese for brains after) hahha

make it as hard as it can be. everything else just comes easy that way